I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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