Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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