It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
