Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
