Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize