My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
