Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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