You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
