dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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