I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
