Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
PANTIES FOUND
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
