What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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