Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
