Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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