i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
