Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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