perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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