I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
