The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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