i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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