I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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