Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize