I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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