Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
