tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
