he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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