Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
