You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she looked like the before picture.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
