sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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