I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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