Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize