i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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