whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
