he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
