New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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