Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
