Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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