Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
