he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
