whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize