This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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