First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
