coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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