He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
