Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
