We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
