just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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