ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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