Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
