dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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