i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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