I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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