Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
