I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
