Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
