The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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