Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You're like the curious george of whores
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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