Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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