Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
