Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
