I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize