I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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