So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
