Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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