Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
