Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
