By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
