All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
