yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
