i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
