Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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