Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
