My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
