You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
