me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
